Sunday, February 15, 2004

Thank you Chris for the lovely flowers yesterday! I was so happy to see you too since I haven't seen you since my birthday! I'm relaxing! Yay! No work!

Pshh, I wish...

Which LOTR character (male) would you end up with? by Cormak
Username:
You end up with:	Legolas
You meet on:	November 13, 3027
This is where:	in the Shire
And this is what happens:	He pulls you against him and kisses you passionately.
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Oooo...


Sexy Orlando


What Orlando Bloom are You?
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Lladira at 12:05 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Wow, it has been forever since I last updated. With Aca Deca Over now, I have some time to start updating once again. I miss all my freinds. Emil, Chris, Josh, Sab ect ect. I miss them a lot. Although we are closer to graduation thatn ever before, I really don't care. Its amazing how people wait for this milestone in their life to arrive yet, I don't see any joy in it except for the fact that I will be leaving the overated drama that students have during high school. I'm completely ready to live on my own and work hard to be able to support myself and go to school at the same time. Senior Ball was great though. I had a fun time with Dion and all of our freinds. I had a blast dancing with everyone even though I ended up leaving before the dance was over. I'm sorry Dion, I was extremely exhausted from the day's events. Aca Deca practically took up more than half of my senior year but I am soo glad it did. The team became really close, so now, we all hang out for the fun of it. I can't wait until our bond fire and our trip to Lazerstar. Getting second in county and setting a record for our school and our district was well worth it. Plus the school has been talking about Aca Deca the whole week. We are even going to get recognized during the rally which demonstrates how much the school really was impacted by our win. Best wishes to Simi Valley! Go kick some state ass and represent the 805!
I miss talking to Tega. I talked to hima few days ago but talking to him and a few others always makes me calm. No matter what situation I'm in, I can always lean on him. Even when I was pissed off at a perticular person for being an idiot all the time Tega wanted to beat his behind, which I thank him for. Even through this chaos of trying to get my college paperwork together, I find that I am extremely calm. I has so many goals that I have set for myself this year and I hope I reach them all. The most important one at the moment is to get my chance to perform with Short Flags. Who would have ever known that I would be out for more than half a year? I need to heal and I just hope everything goes as planned. I have just about saved up my deposit money for my Prom dress. I need $50 and I'm at $42. As soon as I get the rest, I am going to go place the payment and get it fixed. I've decided that I am going to wear that same dress for the Military ball.
I've come to many realizations this month. One of the them is how much I have come to loath JROTC. Not the program itself but the people in it. I hate their stupidity and the hypocrasy. I visited Camarillo High's JROTC and I talked to a few f the guys there. Besides the fact that some are hot, they have started forming that special bond that I now realize is lacking in our unit. We were all so close freshman year and now, because of self centered people, our unit is completely falling apart. Some of the people try to say that they are trying to teach them this and that. But nothing lasting or worthwhile has been taught. Logistic wise, there are some things that were changed for the better, but overall, that unit has fallen apart more than anything. People don't think the need to respect a certain officer just as much as another because they don't "mean" anything. Some think that they need to be everyone's friend just so that they can be considered a good leader. The sad part is that those people sell themselves out to please others. There isn't anything that anyone in there has taught others that will help them out in the long run. The isn't any guidance or any advice that people will look back on and say "Wow, this person really helped me out." I tried so hard to do that last year. I tried with everyone. I came to realize that I couldn't do it by myself. I had a staff and they were never disrespectful. I know of one person that most likely said everything behind my back. That person; however, is going to get a really hard hit in life. I can already see it. At times I think I was a faliure in that respect, and its even sadder to see that the people that one thought were supporting you because that was all they were saying turn out to be the one that stab you in the back. It gives me a whole new perspective on William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. More specifically the line "Et tu Brute? Then fall Caesar!" The suprise and shock he must have felt to be killed by his best friend. All the enthusiam that I had for this program vanished just the way his life did. I've done what I could with the cadets that truely care.
I finally have a life back. I can enjoy my weekends from now on when I don't have practice. I will miss our late Staurday evenings studying at Starbucks. Its going to be hard to let coffee go. I'm at a point in my life where I clearly need to define what is more important to me and who really matters. I'm just tired of all the people that act like your friends, ask for your help and when you ask the same from them, they make up an excuse or another. I'm just sick of that crap. I read Dion's entry the other day and most likely people are going to be pissed off because of what he said. But people talk about honesty and not judging others yet I'm almost positive that because he was honest, people are going to talk about how he had no right to say stuff. IT IS what he thinks and he has the right to express his opinion. I'd much rather have a freind say it than keep it from me. Somethings things are so unfair its saddens me. I just never want to sell out on my beliefs. Anyone that knows how stubborn I am knows that I do what I say. Reflecting upon these past 5 years, almost six, I have analyzed how much I have changed in many ways and how I am still the same. I'm not as smart as many, but I have definetely become wiser, which I cannot say for many of the people at school. I've seen how depressing my Jr. High years were and how I was just consumed with anger at my family sitiation, always being the odd ball and being bullied around. Its sad to know that I was tortured by people from my own family members instead of my peers. I got through it. Those two years of hell, I got through it. I began high school and found my niche. I had my ups and down and I still am going through them, but I've survived every single one of them and accepted everything because that's what life has given me so far.
Everyone has always known me as the sweet and friendly girl from school and I am happy to say that I am both. But I've also has so many of my peers that have told me how they wouldn't have gotten through one thing or another if it wasn't for my support, and that is what I am exxtremly proud of. Some say being proud is a sin, but I think that the pride I feel is towards them not myself. Them because they got through it and became better people. All I have left is the satisfaction to know that I DID make a difference in someone's life and they will remember me for it. I respect the fact that so many of my mentors and aquintances that I have met these past four years because of my base visits and the social functions I have performed in around the community, congradulate me for being so smart and wise. As Major Z said " You've become wiser beyond your years and the fact that you have helped so many out will be one of the greatest accomplishments. You might not realize it now, but you will in given time." To be respected by successful, professional adults makes me feel good. I think the main reason why I want to go into politics IS to make a difference in peoples lives in anyway I can. Hopefully, it will all be for the better.
Lladira at 7:40 PM